She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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