I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
