u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
