I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
