Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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