I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
