You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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