I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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