i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
