Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
So many bounce houses so little time
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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