oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
