I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
