i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
