Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
