Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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