then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
