Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Randomize
