I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
