chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
