big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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