she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
We're using joints as your birthday candles
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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