I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You did what with his pubic hair?
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