good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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