Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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