i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Randomize
