My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
