My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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