After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
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Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
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I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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