if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
