She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize