never play flip cup with pint glasses
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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