Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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