What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
