I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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