i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
