Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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