I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
