you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
