She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
