Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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