I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
