Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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