what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
