hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
