I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
