I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Randomize
