We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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