Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
