he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
