I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
