And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
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How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
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If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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