She's JV to your varsity
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
