you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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