im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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