you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
