to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
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