Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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