MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
he just fucked me for my cheese.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
