Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
