i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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