rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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