Plan B is the new Plan A
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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